Fashion Tips To Get You Laid #1 - Ms. Fitz Exclusive from Obnoxious Owl

Tammy Croucher writes a sexxy, smutty and hilarious blog- where she dishes advice for ladies, gentlemen (and in betweens) like us to keep in mind when getting laid, trying to get laid, or thinking about getting laid. I asked her put together some fashion related tips especially for you, my lovely readers, to help us with that yum yum chocolate chip, honey dip. 
Enjoy!
Tammy in Butch Diva  Photo: Beck Mansell

CLEAVAGE IS ALL WELL AND GOOD, BUT DO NOT UNDER ESTIMATE THE 'SIDE BOOB'
 Of course having a bit of the old cleavage out is good. Guys like tits, that fact is as obvious as the cleavage in question.
But what dudes dig more, is when they are copping an eyeful and they think you are totally unaware.
Well, that's what they think anyway...but we know better. Wearing an over sized tank top with cut off's or jeans doesn't even need heels or make up to look sexy if you're bringing Sally the Side Boob to the party. Shit is hot. I think it's probably because they are just waiting for it to slip out at any second...and of course it never does. Because we like to keep an air of mystery, don't we girls?



KEEP YOUR SHOES ON
And by shoes I mean heels. They can be boots but as long as they have a stiletto. Your feet up in the air wearing fucking Ugg boots or little ballet flats ain't gonna have the whorish look that is so desired in this scenario.  Oh don't get coy at the word 'whore' - I'm not talking bout making love to your beloved here. I'm talking no inhibition, animal lust filled passionate fucking.
Trust me, lose the clothes and keep the shoes and jewelry...it's a good look. A friend of a friend once told me about a fella whom, right in the middle of their 'love making' picked up her shoes where they had been violently thrown earlier and put them back on her..............  You need a towel. Don't you?

FUCK THE RULES 
You know the ones. The one's that say 'you should have your legs OR your cleavage out' Balls. Have both or none out. Who cares? These rules were designed for cookie cutter slags with paint by number steeze like the Kardashians. 
If you are a girl that is repping and likes to be creative and innovative with her style, then do what feels right because it will always look good. There is a difference between being obvious and dressing only for male attention (except the side boob, we like to tease), and enjoying being a woman and being in control of your sexuality and embracing it's power. 
A woman like the latter could pull a MAN - notice MAN, not boy - covered up completely, over some playboy bunny. There is a very fine line between being obvious and being sexy. And if you read Fitzy's blog, then I am sure you have a grasp of this concept.

POLYESTER UNDERWEAR WILL TURN YOUR CROTCH INTO A BIOLOGY PROJECT 
I don't recommend it hey. I mean, if you absolutely MUST wear it because you found some hella cute ones on the cheap then make sure that the gusset is cotton.  There are few things that are not sexy, and thrush is one of them.

IF YOU KNOW YOU GONNA GET YOUR FREAK ON, MAKE SURE YOUR EYE MAKE UP IS WATERPROOF 
'cause let's be honest here ladies...there are certain moments that will make your eyes water (if you're lucky) and black streaks running down your cheeks isn't really a good look. ALTHOUGH slightly smeared lipstick and smudged eyeliner with your bed hair, shoes still on and bling around your neck will look bad ass.

IT'S ABOUT BEING FREE 
You know what makes sex so appealing? Being uninhibited, feeling desired and letting loose. It literally is the only time in life where this is possible that doesn't include booze or mind altering substances.  It's stress relieving. It makes you feel good and it SHOULD feel good. Be free. Be relaxed. Do what feels right and more importantly, do what feels GOOD. 
Enjoy your body and let him enjoy it too. Whether you are expressing yourself in bed or in fashion, do what you have always wanted to do. It's a cliche of a saying but it's an appropriate one, 'Those that matter don't care, and those that care don't matter'